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Why Children…

April 13, 2011

All I can wish for at times like these is the hand to hold mine and tell me “Its okay. Do it at your own pace.”

These days there is usually atleast one point in a day, when I’m breaking down, when I just wish I could somehow somehow get out of this cage thats my ‘family‘…

When I just wish there was something, anything, anything, ANYTHING that could silence mother’s ceaseless rants and insults.

I’d adjusted too much to f-r-e-e-d-o-m that living with a spiteful, cussing, blaming, nosy, judgmental woman who happens to be my mother, is just too overwhelming and suffocating.

Now that I’ve typed down that, the lump in my throat seems to have reduced in size.

Really WHY do people want to have kids. As if messing them up wasn’t enough. Guess its all about self-glorification for some.

Okay maybe I’m being selfish here. But, the sole purpose of my life can’t be to live out my parents expectations. I mean IF I could function that way, I would!!

But I obviously cant. I’m not built that way. In fact I’m pretty damn close to a functional breakdown.

I dint plan any of this to end up the way it did!!!!!!!! No one does.

There is one thing I have decided though. I have two choices.

1) Stay on here. Controlled and manipulated further by self-serving parents.

2) Jeopardize the rest of my education and leave this ‘cage’ called family.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. April 14, 2011 2:34 AM

    Two words for you love: move out! I crossed a sea to be away from my folks and you know what – the best thing I have ever done. I got a job, I got a flat, I payed my way through college. And after 8 years apart from my family I finally made my peace with them.

    • April 27, 2011 10:57 PM

      seriously those 2 words did strike target!! 🙂 i’ve been deeply thinking up that too. will do will do as soon as i’m up from my rut. thank you. you are an inspiration!! good going!! 🙂

  2. April 16, 2011 10:53 AM

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

  3. April 23, 2011 11:03 AM

    what ever you do WILL inevitably be wrong in some peoples eyes! what you have to ask is
    1. does that really matter to you?
    2. do you care what others think?
    3. will it make my life better?

    and ultimately you will know the answer within, what you have to do is the right thing for you and you will know what that is, because it WILL feel right.
    have strength and your guardian angel will guide you

    • April 27, 2011 11:01 PM

      thank you for your kind words 🙂 yes ultimately you have to break free from all that burden “others” pile on.

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